How do you like them apples

This is a cautionary tale. A step-by-step instruction guide on how not to make chocolate apples for the nursery school bake sale. Sensitive viewers be advised.

Friday the 14th of June was Bake Sale day at Immy's school. Which is different from Baker's Friday, because three classes host the bake sale, with moms (hopefully) supplying something appealing and interesting for the kids to eat. I wracked my brains and came up with toffee apples. Too hard. Caramel apples? Too sticky. And so I settled on chocolate apples, because I was kind of hung up on the whole apple idea.

Things started off so well. We had all the supplies at hand. Rosy red apples, slabs of milk chocolate and a secret knowledge that we were going to win the bake sale hands down.

We broke up the chocolate, washed and scrubbed the apples and pushed in the ice-cream sticks. And here begins the very long list of things not to do when making chocolate apples.

Don't use milk chocolate. Apparently everyone in the world except me knows that baking chocolate is your friend. Don't attempt to use kebab sticks because they will look ridiculous and also potentially inflict injuries on the person putting them in. Ice-cream sticks should be used from the get-go. Don't use apples that aren't at least 90% round. Obvious, much?

My first vague feeling of unease hit when I looked at the apples after we'd put in the ice-cream sticks. Why did so many of them look like they wanted to lie down? Not the way I'd envisioned my perfect apples with their perfect, standing-to-attention sticks.

We forged ahead. I burned about 6 slabs of chocolate in one go in the microwave, and then conceded that yes - I would definitely have to melt the chocolate over a pot of boiling water. The thing with melted milk chocolate is that it's kinda thick. And therefore kinda tricky to dip an apple into. Instead, we had kind of a scoop and swirl motion going. Scoop melted chocolate into a large wooden spoon. Swirl the apple through the chocolate until mostly covered. Repeat.

They looked like this.

By now, the alarm bells were jangling. Frantic phone-call to Rob ensued. He was just about to leave work, and he HAD to find me baking chocolate. I was going to re-dip them, and they would be fabulous. Glossy and smooth.

So many things went wrong after this conversation, that I just can't go into it here. In a nutshell, and through a comedy of errors, I ended up with no baking chocolate and 4 MORE SLABS of milk chocolate. Which I needed like a hole in the head.

It turned into a salvage operation. I put a chocolate cap on, threw on some sprinkles and made what I thought would be tiny flags for the sticks. Which ended up looking like tiny duck beaks instead.

See why round apples are kind of important? I mean, what's happening with that one at the back, left row??

The best thing about these apples were the flowers that I got from Oulik. Handmade and hand-delivered in the midst of my chocolate apples crisis.

My flagship chocolate apple. The best one of the batch.

In the end, my chocolate apples looked like a flock of poo's on a stick, with sprinkles. Which, incidentally, was what I was going to call this post, but my mother asked me very nicely not to.

The teacher told me they sold like hot cakes.

I suspect she was just being kind.